Have you ever had a good habit, only to lose it? Perhaps it was meditation, or getting up early for exercise, or taking care of the “most important task” first thing in your day. You were doing so well and reaping the benefits, and then slowly or suddenly, the habit evaporated. You may not have even noticed that something was off, or that you were missing out on the benefits of the habit. But if you pause and reflect now, you may notice that you are not feeling at the top of your game. 

Or perhaps summer brings a freedom from your usual routines, but you are at risk of losing some good habits in the process?

 

So, What Happens? Why Do We Lose Our Good Habits?

 
For each of us, there is a different reason. Or a combination of reasons. But often it involves something like:

You would think it would be a good thing that we live in a world of comfort, where our most basic needs are readily met (food, warmth, shelter). On top of this, many of our “wants” are only a click away; entertainment, shopping, news and more. But, if you ever find yourself wanting to eat something, even though you’re not really hungry, or check your phone, even though you just started to focus on work, you are noticing a consequence of having too much comfort.

WHAT’S GOING ON?

 
In a word - dopamine. For our ancient ancestors, dopamine was important to help them survive in a world of scarcity, where “rewards” that fostered survival were rare.

Witold Pilecki is probably one of the craziest, bravest (and ultimately hopeful) war heroes you have never heard of. After invading Poland in the fall of 1939, the Germans began building a massive prison complex in the spring of 1940 – yes, that would be Auschwitz. By the summer of that year, thousands of military officers and leaders were disappearing from western Poland, presumably being taken to Auschwitz.

Already a decorated war hero from the Polish-Soviet War of 1918, Pilecki volunteered to “sneak into Auschwitz” by letting himself be captured by the Nazis. Over a period of two years inside Auschwitz, Pilecki built a resistance unit, and created a chain of command, a logistics network, and lines of communication to the outside world.

As you throw open the curtains and see the morning sun stream in, you think “Today is going to be a great day!” In anticipation, your mind plays out the day ahead, with all the tasks accomplished, productive meetings, and perhaps an after dinner walk as you enjoy the long days. 
 
But your buoyant and positive outlook is quickly shaken as you realize you are out of coffee. And then traffic is worse today than expected. And then the big task you meant to finish in the morning gets bumped for an urgent meeting. IT challenges disrupt your afternoon and by the end of the day, you find yourself still working on the big task from the morning. You are feeling tired, frustrated and you skip your evening walk.

Why Unmet Expectations Wear Us Down

 
Unmet expectations fly in the face of one of the oldest and most primal needs we have: our need for certainty and having a sense of control. When things go as planned, we feel in control, allowing us to feel safe and secure. But when things become unpredictable, we feel vulnerable, not in control, and our stress response is activated. 

“The client is upset about a mistake we made.” Fact. “They are going dump us for another firm, I could even get fired over this.” Conjecture. “That pain in my abdomen has been there for two days.” Fact. “What if I have cancer and am going to die?” Catastrophizing.

Our minds tend to do this kind of exaggerated thinking all too easily. It colours our mood, robs our energy, creates stress, and holds us back from performing at our best. But what can we do about it?

The Problem

When our ancient ancestors focused on surviving one day to the next, their minds had to

As we witness the impact that devastating hurricanes can have on the people in our world, we are all left realizing there are things outside of our control. And while our own challenges may not be as catastrophic, every day there is the possibility that we will run into a roadblock at work or at home that we wish wouldn’t have happened. Someone missed a deadline. An extra charge on our credit card because we forgot to cancel or opt out of something. An illness. Or at times, the force of nature.

If you are at all like me, you might resist or resent some of these happenings. You may get frustrated or angry. You may even shift into a victim mindset and look for someone to blame, thinking “this isn’t fair”.

Have you ever known you need to leave for a meeting at a certain time, and yet thought there was enough time to send one more email, only to now find yourself running late?

Or have you ever ran out the door now that you are late, and forgot to bring something important like your phone?

We all do this at times. We know better than to squeeze in one more email, and yet we forget this. My 13-year old often says “But Dad, I can’t remember to remember” when she forgets something she knows she needs to do.

The irony is that,

A good friend is at one of those important junctions in life where he has to make a choice: accept the opportunity to move into a senior management role, or see through a hands-on engaging corporate initiative that is his passion and is changing the organization in powerful ways. Which way to go? There is no right or wrong decision here. Either choices has its share of pros and cons and in many ways this is a good problem to have - choosing between two good paths!

While there are many ways we can come at the decision making process, I'm going to make an argument on behalf of clarity.

What if You Could "Own Your Day"?

You know that amazing feeling you get when you wake up in the morning when you are on vacation, you feel rested, and you have that sense that the whole day is stretched out in front of you waiting to be experienced? You aren't tied to other people's demands and the day is yours. Wow - what a feeling!

What if we could create that exact same feeling of "owning our day", even when we’re not on vacation?

I often get asked“do I have to meditate?” The simple answer is“No, you don’t!” Just like you don’t have to brush your teeth, eat your veggies, do your physio exercises or spend time with your family. It is a choice. And one that only you can make.

Meditation as Good as Coffee?

I had always hoped that I could make meditation as good as a morning cup of coffee for people (or tea, if you are a tea drinker). The morning cuppa is something that most people look forward to and generally savour as a part of their day. And it is more than just a morning pleasure, most people experience a boost of energy and focus from the caffeine. Thank goodness for coffee!

Meditation is trickier to get to that kind of an experience from. For many people, it is